Teacher: “John, what’s the matter? Why are you looking so upset?”
John: “My dad is at the police station and my mom is in the hospital!”
Teacher: “Oh, you poor kid. Go home right away.”
As John left, the principal saw him in the hallway and asked, “Where’s he going?”The teacher replied, “I let him go home. His dad is at the police station and his mom is in the hospital.”

The principal smiled. “His dad is a cop and his mom is a nurse. Where else would they be?” A woman came home early one day and found her husband with a young, attractive woman. Furious, she shouted, “You disrespectful pig! I want a divorce!”
“Wait,” the husband said calmly. “At least let me explain.”
Reluctantly, she agreed.
He began, “On my way home from work, this woman asked me for a ride. She looked exhausted, dirty, and told me she hadn’t eaten in three days. I felt sorry for her.”

“So instead of dropping her off, I brought her home and gave her the goulash you refused last night because you said you’d ‘get fat.’ She ate it in seconds.”
“She needed a shower, so I let her use ours. Her clothes were worn out, so I threw them away and gave her the jeans you don’t wear because they’re ‘too tight.’

I gave her the underwear you didn’t like, the shirt from my mom you never wore, and those high heels you only used once.”
He paused.
“She was so grateful. As I walked her to the door, she turned to me and asked…”
“Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?”