A 25-year-old newlywed shared her painful experience of being humiliated at her in-laws’ family dinner. Hoping to honor her late mother, she brought one of her mom’s recipes to the gathering. However, her mother-in-law reacted harshly, saying, “Get your mother’s food out of my house!”
Devastated, she left the table in tears and waited in the car for an hour. To her surprise, her husband didn’t even notice her absence. On the way home, he laughed about a cousin’s joke, showing indifference to her feelings and the humiliation she endured.
The young woman, still grieving her mom’s passing a year ago, feels hurt and disrespected, not just by her mother-in-law but also by her husband’s lack of support. Now, she struggles to move forward without an apology or acknowledgment of the emotional pain caused.
Thank you, Rose, for trusting us with this sensitive situation involving your mother-in-law. We’ve compiled five pieces of advice to help you navigate this challenging time.
Setting clear boundaries.
The situation with your mother-in-law is intense, but setting boundaries might help. Calmly let her know that, while you’re grateful for the temporary stay, certain behaviors—like taking your belongings or making demands about gifts—aren’t acceptable. Make sure to communicate in a composed, non-confrontational way, as escalating things might make living together unbearable.
If your husband can be involved in this discussion, it could show solidarity and help establish clearer limits. Keeping boundaries respectful, yet firm, could prevent further incidents while you’re in their home.
Turn to your husband for support.
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It sounds like your husband isn’t having the best relationship with his mother either, so now could be a good time to lean on him for emotional support. He might not be in a position to resolve things financially right now, but emotionally, he could provide a lot of comfort.
Have an open conversation about how the hostility is affecting you and discuss how you both can make the atmosphere more tolerable until you can leave. Showing a united front might also discourage further outbursts from your mother-in-law. Mutual understanding and support are key in times of stress like this.
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Focus on an exit strategy.
Your best option might be to endure for now but focus your energy on finding ways to move out sooner. Try to have a discussion with your husband about tightening the budget even more or looking for alternative living arrangements, even if they are temporary or less than ideal. This could mean staying with friends, renting a cheaper place, or picking up additional side work.
Let your mother-in-law’s negative behavior motivate you to expedite your exit plan. Sometimes knowing there’s a timeline for relief can make a tense situation more manageable.
Use empathy as a strategy.
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Try to see if there’s a deeper reason behind your mother-in-law’s behavior. She may be feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or even a little powerless in her own home. Approach her, perhaps when things have cooled down, and acknowledge her feelings—this might disarm her a bit.
Something like, “I understand how this living arrangement might be hard for you, and we’re doing everything we can to make it temporary.” It might not solve everything, but showing empathy could reduce the tension and perhaps change how she interacts with you.
Protect yourself emotionally.
This might be a situation where you need to emotionally detach for your own mental well-being. Living under someone’s roof who openly dislikes you can wear you down, but protecting your peace of mind is important.
Practice self-care by focusing on what makes you happy, whether it’s calling your mom, going for a walk, or diving into a hobby. Limit unnecessary interactions with your mother-in-law, and remind yourself that her words and actions are more about her issues than about you. This could help you stay grounded until your living situation changes.